On June 19th I had my last doctor’s appointment! I was overdue and I wasn’t dilating at all. The Doctor had told me that I would be induced that day if I wasn’t going into labor on my own. I was so excited to know that no matter what I would be holding my sweet baby in my arms within no time. My original plan was to do everything all natural, but that obviously wasn’t happening anytime soon 🙂 After my doctor appointment Jaber and I decided to enjoy our last day as a family of two. We went out to dinner and watched a nice movie. Once 6pm hit we headed to Edward Hospital in Naperville. When we got there we both were giddy with excitment. We checked in and headed over to our delivery room. After about an hour they started me on Cervadil which was to help me efface so that I then could dilate. They left the Cervadil in for a total of 12 hours. That 12 hours was pretty fun because Jaber and I just watched movies and hung out. I had a really nice nurse too 🙂 Once morning hit I hopped in the shower and was ready to get started on the Pitocin. They started the Pitocin on a very low dosage at around 830am. The contractions came immediately and I asked if I could walk around for awhile. My sweet nurse helped me get all set up. I walked around the hospital for the next hour until suddenly my water broke in the middle of the hallway. I was actually laughing and the nurse didn’t believe me until she got closer. She said it was time to head back to my room! Once we got back my contractions were 2 minutes apart and boy did they hurt! My parents and brother showed up soon after and they were surprised to see me in pain already. The nurse asked me if I wanted to get the epidural and I said GLADLY!! About ten minutes later the doctor was there to give me my epidural. I surprisingly wasn’t nervous. It really didn’t hurt at all compared to the contractions. Within minutes I was in Heaven. I felt SO good. The next time my nurse checked me I was 3 cm. Two hours later I was 6cm. Then this is where it got CRAZY! I dilated from 6cm to 10cm within 20 minutes. My nurse was so surprised at how fast it went. Once I got to 10 cm I thought it was time to push but they kept telling me to wait because my doctor wasn’t there yet. Believe it or not it took the doctor 90 minutes to get there. I thought she would never get there. Once she got there I was prepped and the told me that I would need to start pushing but before I did they wanted to let me know what the situation was…the baby had meconium in the fluid and the cord was wrapped around his neck. I FREAKED OUT. I suddenly got so nervous and literally had a panic attack. They promised it would be fine but for some reason I couldn’t shake the panic. I started pushing and pushing and pushing. I have never been in so much pain in my entire life. I was so tired and I was so anxious. The babies heart rate kept dropping. After an hour and half my heart rate had dropped and so had my blood pressure. They put me on oxygen and said YOU CAN DO THIS!! We need to get this baby out now. I kept saying that I couldn’t do it but my WONDERFUL husband kept encouraging me. 25 minutes later ZANE WAS BORN. I couldn’t hold him for the first 45 minutes because he had to see a specialist because of the meconium and because I had to be stitched up. I tore really bad and I had no idea until later. I will never forget the moment when I could finally hold him…I was SOBBING. I loved him so much and I couldn’t believe we had done it. He was finally here and he was completely healthy. I couldn’t stop praising our God for helping us both through it all. Zane was born on June 20, 2013 weighing 8 pounds 8 ounces @ 20 1/4 inches.
The next few days were full of every emotion possible. I was in SO much pain. I hadn’t realized how bad I had torn until the pain medicine wore off. I literally couldn’t sit, stand, or lay without wincing in pain. The pain seemed less each time I saw my sweet baby, but it still was so strong. I cried that whole day. I was so scared to be a mom and I was so scared that I would never feel better. (GOTTA LOVE THOSE HORMONES). The next day we headed home! On the way home I will never forget how thankful I was for Jaber. He was amazing in every way. He spent three nights in the hospital and was there for me every second of the way. He even slept in my little hospital bed with me when I was anxious. I couldn’t have asked for a better husband. He was and is such a natural with Zane. He loves him to pieces 🙂
So what happened once we got home? It was PERFECT…NOT! I was a mess. Nothing went like I imagined. I was anxious and crying all the time. I felt like a complete mess and I was so confused why I was feeling so down. Zane was so great and beautiful and here I was crying. I was so frustrated. I couldn’t sleep the whole first week. I literally had insomnia. I lost 30 pounds that week (including labor). I couldn’t eat or anything. Zane lost a whole pound that week and my milk wasn’t coming in. I felt like such a failure. I almost gave up on breastfeeding all together. So what was the turning point?? BEING ON MY KNEES. I handed Zane off to my parents and went into my basement and just sobbed before the Lord. I told him that I couldn’t do this without him. The Lord swept down and comforted me. He told me I COULD do this. I decided to rely on him instead of on myself. I didn’t need to be perfect I just needed to trust the Lord. Each day got better…I started sleeping, eating, and Zane became the ULTIMATE CHAMP at breastfeeding. The Lord literally saved me. It was true I couldn’t do it on my own BUT with Christ all things ARE possible.
So where are we at now 6 weeks postpartum?? Zane is smiling, sleeping, and gaining weight. He is 11 pounds now and brings so much joy to our house. He still wakes up every 2-3 hours at night but I have become used to sleeping in shorter intervals. The healing process for my body was long and is still not done BUT it gets better each day. I now have realized that Zane is HEALTHY and that the Lord is the one who watches over him. I am so blessed and this whole process has brought me closer to the Lord. I still have my down moments but when I turn back to the Lord…my worries fade away. GOD IS SO GOOD. Now to enjoy some pictures 🙂