Sometimes surviving is all you know how to do…(and I know that even that seems impossible at times.)
Relationships always start off the same…you are so excited and you feel like you have never met a person who is so perfect for you. You love every minute with them and you look forward to the next time your phone buzzes and you see that it’s them! You love the way they laugh and you feel as though you could talk to them forever. They seem just as into you as you are into them. They tell you how wonderful and amazing you are…and that there is no one on the earth like you. They remind you over and over again how attractive you are to them. You feel like you are on a cloud…I know I’ve been there.
In the beginning of the relationship you can’t possibly imagine anything going wrong. You share with them your past hurt and they promise to NEVER do that to you. They tell you that the last person you were with was an idiot for letting you go. You spend all your time together and you feel like for the first time in a long time you have finally found the person you have been waiting for.
BUT…there usually is a but.
As the relationship progresses things don’t seem as new and exciting anymore. They aren’t making you as much of a priority as they did in the beginning. They seem more interested in other things and you start to wonder if something is wrong. You try to tell yourself that you are just imagining this and that everything is perfectly fine. As time goes on you start to feel insecure…is this person still into me? Did I do something wrong?
You finally ask them what’s going on and most likely the first time you ask they will tell you everything is fine and (insert lame excuse here). You will tell yourself to quit worrying and just enjoy the relationship. The next few days you start feeling better, but then the insecurities and doubts start creeping back in. They aren’t calling you as much, they seem distant, and they don’t seem as happy when they see you anymore.
So what happens next? Well…most likely you probably know. Either the relationship keeps going (for hours, weeks, months, or years) until finally YOU break up with them because you can’t handle it anymore. Or (rarely this happens) they simply tell you that they are not interested in being with you anymore and break it off.
**Quick Rant: I know that breaking up with someone can be almost as difficult as being broken up with, BUT being distant, unhappy, and dishonest hurts SO much more. Just man up and spare them the pain of wondering what’s wrong. If you aren’t wanting to be in the relationship anymore (which is fine) than just tell them as SOON as you know. End Rant.**
So eventually (unless you live happily ever after of course) you BREAK UP. You feel every type of emotion possible. You tell yourself you can’t live without them and that you will never find anyone…You lie in your bed all day crying and reading through your old text messages. Eventually you get out of bed, go hang out with your friends, and sing at the top of your lungs (cue break up songs here.) You start to feel better and think you are totally fine until you get back home and your mind wanders straight back to that person and you feel the hurt all over again.
Bottom line…BREAK UPS ARE THE WORST.
I went through a few hard break ups in my life and it wasn’t until the last one (before I met my wonderful hubby) that I learned some tips on how to survive a break up. I realize these tips are not easy, but let me tell you, they pay off in the end.
1.) Take some time to grieve. You just lost your best friend. It is perfectly normal and expected to feel sad. You feel hurt, unloved, and rejected. You feel as though you will never be able to trust again.
2.) Get some space. The last thing you should do after a break up is go hang out with this person. I know you probably have the same friends or go to the same school as them, but seriously, you need some space to heal. This includes not talking with them for awhile too. It doesn’t mean you ignore them…it just means you don’t intentionally reach out to them like you did when you were together. Also no physical touch with this person…that really leads to trouble.
3.) Hide Memories. Take their pictures, notes, gifts, and anything that reminds you of them and put them somewhere you can’t see it. You may want to get rid of them all together someday, but for now I think its a good idea to just put them out of sight.
4.) NO internet. Hide them on Facebook and other social media sights. This often is that hardest thing to do (I know firsthand). You want to know exactly what they are doing and who they are talking to. You want to know if they are having a hard time or living it up like they never met you. I can guarantee that this will only make the break up 10 times harder. You will either get really bitter when you see that they are fine OR you will feel sad and call them when you see they are having a hard time.
5.) Stay Busy. Do GOOD things (notice I said good) in order to keep yourself occupied. Hang out with family or friends who are supportive. Spend some time reading or making something spectacular. Get a job that you enjoy or volunteer somewhere that makes you happy. Just. Do. Something.
6.) No Revenge. I would highly advise against trying to get revenge. I know you are feeling hurt, but trying to hurt them will only make you feel worse in the end. I know its tempting to make yourself appear totally fine, but don’t try to convince them of anything. Revenge usually leads to regret later. Be the bigger person!
7.)No Rebounds. This is by far the hardest one for most people. After a break up you feel so hurt and lonely that often times you want to turn to another person to make the pain go away. Some date quickly in order to make their ex feel jealous, while others date because they don’t want to be alone. Starting a relationship off like this is not a good idea. You want to start a relationship when you are healed and not hurting. You want to know that you are with this person for more than just filling your loneliness. Instead turn to someone you are already close to (Preferably not your best friend of the opposite sex.)
8.) Stay Strong. Please don’t let this person make you feel inferior. You are an amazing person. Don’t let this break up cause you to forget who you are or cause you to fall off the deep end. Don’t change your morals or give up on yourself because this person let you go. You may be thankful they gave you up in the end 🙂
I realize that even though this may feel like the hardest thing in the world…you will feel better with TIME! I experienced hard breaks up (really hard) and wasn’t sure I would ever fully heal from them…but I did! I now am so glad that I went through those break ups because it led me to where I am now. I grew through the pain and eventually found my true love. I am grateful for all I learned in my relationships and I hope that you will use the pain of these breakups to make you the BEST and STRONGEST person you can be!
Keep your head UP and wait for the one who is worth waiting for.
Love to love,
**Please feel free to message me if you are going through a hard break up. I would love to listen. Also If you want me to share more of my story with you I would love to. XOXO
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